So called life
"My so called life" is being re-aired from the point where it was previously cancelled.
I'm there, but it's reality instead of a show.
None of the characters are the same (except for Claire Danes).
I'm inside the school looking for the missing characters,
becoming more and more upset at the fact that I can't find them.
They seem to have just vanished.
I walk up a staircase and notice a man standing at the bottom,
in front of a door leading outside.
The door has a glass window covered with criss-crossed metal,
and I can only see the man in silhouette because of the light coming through the window.
There is a painted cement structure hanging from the ceiling
where a boy with dark suspenders is sitting quietly.
I wonder to myself how he got up there.
Fetish ballet shoes
I'm walking through a field/junkyard looking at things on the ground with 1/2 interest.
There is a red brick wall to my left,
and I seem to have stepped out from beneath an underpass that is now behind me.
On the other side of the field to my right a highway goes off into the distance.
It's very bright outside and I can feel a slight breeze.
I come across a cardboard box filled with interesting clothing.
I take a clear plastic raincoat with sheepskin sleeves and collar,
a pair of clear plastic boots with large orange daisies and thick heels,
a shiny silver sweater with tiny sterling buttons down the front,
and a pair of black leather, VERY high heels that are shaped like ballet slippers
with the heel starting at the top of the back of the shoe,
so if you actually wore them you'd have to walk on point.
Lore shows up looking for clothes too.
I notice a $163.00 price tag on the back of one of the fetish ballet slippers.
Gabby shows up and explains that the box is hers (for a garage sale)
but that we can each keep one thing.
I choose the fetish ballet shoes and am very excited about them.
Shattered teeth
I bite down and feel one of my teeth shatter,
spraying pieces of tooth inside and outside my mouth which I try to spit out.
I'm not in any great pain, which surprises me.
I feel around the inside of my mouth with my tongue,
find the empty socket, and taste blood.
I go to a dentist who takes out my teeth one by one to show them to me.
One tooth in particular is quite long and made of different layers which are coming apart
and split when I force them apart.
The tooth then turns into my lucky shell
and we can put all my teeth back in my mouth.
The Game
A young boy of about 15 is amazing at a game
which is similar to bowling, but it's played by tossing silver hoops around a huge outdoor arena.
The objects are thrown in such a way that they roll around the arena in an impressive manner, eventually knocking over some pins similar to bowling pins, but taller and skinnier.
The boy does incredible things with the hoops-
they go forwards and backwards, jump up into the air spinning,
and at one point he even rides one (somehow floating above it),
before knocking over all the pins every time.
This is the most important sport.
People fill the arena, shouting and throwing streamers.
People bet on it, watch it in bars, etc.
I'm with a group of people watching the Game on their TV.
We all keep score with these little plastic 3D disks that fit together.
The disks are red, blue, yellow, and green.
You somehow keep score by adding different pieces together (depending on the Game)
to form a structure.
Each person makes a different structure.
I have trouble with mine because it keeps moving on its own,
dislocating its own pieces.
I feel a link between the 15 year old Game whiz and myself,
and want to speak with him very badly.
Castle
It's a different time.
I live in a castle and the dreamlighting is yellowgold and darkens around the edges.
I am observing myself from both outside and inside my body at the same time.
I'm standing in front of a very tall, very clear mirror.
I'm wearing a long, pale green silk/satin dress
with puffed sleeves banded tight at the elbow
then dropping down into a very frail white lace that nearly reaches the floor.
The dress is corsetted at the waist and has a low, square neckline.
I cannot see my feet, but I know they are bare,
because I can feel them on the cold marble floor.
The ceilings are very high and the castle feels very big and very old
(I know this even though I don't leave the room).
there is someone behind me, brushing my hair,
which is a thick, wavy, rich red that falls past my feet.
I cannot see who is there, but it feels wonderful.
There's an odd sensation of being inside myself looking out,
outside my body looking in, and seeing the mirror from both perspectives.
I reach a point where I attempt to integrate: to see all these/be all these at the same time.
[at this point I scared myself into having a panic attack
and woke up utterly confused and paranoid.]